Love That Crosses Borders

Relationships are hard. The one we have with ourselves, the one we have with our parents, friends and most importantly (or sometimes most difficult), our significant others. Our romantic relationships are often the hardest because they can be the most intense. We put in more time and emotion to them which can be rewarding and sometimes challenging. Now throw in a foreigner to that mix and it’s a whole ‘nother ball park. International relationships are like no other. There are both challenges and benefits but more importantly, there’s usually an adorable accent.

Language barriers can be both small and big. Perhaps you just opened up the “German for Dummies” book and your lover boy doesn’t even know how to say “What’s your name?” Then you’re mixing up “I’m horny” with “I’m hungry” and have an awkward situation. Or if you’re like me and get lucky, your hunk of love has been speaking English for 10 years and only makes minor mistakes like “get out” instead of “get off.” Only a few awkward situations there. In any case, language barriers can be frustrating and make one or both of you feel stupid for not understanding correctly. But why not laugh it off? Or better yet, embrace it as a great excuse to learn a new language. And with motivation like romance, you’re bound to pick it up quick. Make a deal: Thirty minutes straight, switching off practicing each language with some make-out breaks in between. Just stay patient with each other and if you're both learning each other's language together, you'll be more sensitive to each other's mistakes and misunderstandings.

Culture differences are just the same as language barriers, they can either aggravate you or inspire you to broaden your horizons. I’m not recommending that you give up morals like toilet paper and ketchup (can you imagine, there are places in the world without toilet paper and ketchup?) but at the same time, you need to keep in mind that there is no “right” and “wrong.” Perhaps a different way of doing something will end up being your preferred way. The point is that you’re both comfortable in the end. Even if it takes some trial and error, like my husband and I finding a balance between delicious spicy food that doesn’t set flames to his intestines and disgusting bland food covered in bread crumbs. If you really love each other you will learn to pick your battles and find a happy medium.

Anyone who has ever had a long distance relationship, whether it worked out in the end or not, knows that it’s as hard as diving into a 1-foot pond. Even though you get wet, you still can’t really swim. You have to deal with Internet or phone connections, conflicting schedules and no one to hug when you have a bad day. You spend your waking hours counting down until the next time you will see them, willing time to go faster. Then once you have a short period of time with them, you only wish you could stop the clock. The best way to make a long distance relationship work is when there is an end in sight. Without knowing the future (and whether you’ll be able to kiss each other good night anytime soon) it can be even more exhausting and draining. Not mention expensive when you start adding up long distance phone calls, sending sweet packages and buying plane tickets to visit each other.

Ok, enough of all that. It’s not always misunderstandings and bad food. The benefits of international relationships can be fun and interesting. Besides my Brazilian husband, I had other international relationships in the past as well and I can say that it’s a unique experience. It’s not just a week on vacation with friends or family where you sort of look at the place from an outside perspective. When you’re in a relationship, it’s a more intimate learning process. You have a stronger connection and certainly more motivation to learn the language and about how they live. Because if you plan to have a future together, those foreign traditions could very well become part of your own lifestyle.

Which leads me to another fun part of international relationships: new customs. Even though my husband and I have many similarities in our personalities, there are still many differences in the way we grew up and how we do things. But it’s fun because we can pick and choose. For example, in Brazil rules aren’t taken so seriously and bribes are common but my husband likes things black and white, right or wrong and he likes that in the United States the laws are stricter and the police aren’t so corrupt. On a lighter note, Valentine’s Day is in June in Brazil (because they celebrate a different saint for love), so in order to respect both of our cultures and celebrate all of our love we simply celebrate both!

All relationships take compromise and patience but when you’re both from different countries, there are a lot of different elements to consider. It’s not all difficulties and frustrations though, it can also be fun and exciting. Plus, if you play your cards right you could end up with a cool Brazilian name that no one can pronounce!